Went to occupational and speech therapy this week, and found out I need to go to occupational therapy for an hour for the next eight weeks. 'My tone in my head is nothing like how it reads on here, it is rather sarcastic and blah really.' I am not even quite sure why (okay I do, but I really don't care to admit why), the strength in my left wrist and hand is nowhere near the "normal" range, according to the therapists scale book. For example my right arm squeezeablity is at a 76 my left arm is at a 35, that is a -2 deficiency, which according to her and her book is not good. Also as I have been saying, my thought processes and memory functions are kind of messed up. Oh joy! We haven't gotten into how were going to work on that yet.
The question I most had lingering that the therapist was able to answer for me, that nobody else thus far had was, if TIA's left no lasting "damage" how is it that I am having these problems with my left arm? And her response was "if you have repeated TIA's in the same area (like the same spot is affected) then you can have lasting or permanent damage". Well finally I know something, considering each TIA I have had has been in the exact same area.
My mood however has not improved much over the last few days-weeks, this could be due a number of factors. 1. its getting cold out, and being on what I like to call a medium level blood thinner (Plavix I think) I get cold easier. 2. I am not sleeping again, and I have yet to figure out the cause. 3. the holiday season tends to give me a case of the "blues" anyway 4. I think all the medicines I am on are making me kinda crazy 5. I need a break, but I am not even quite sure what that means. Maybe I am just going a bit crazy in general with all the stress of everything going on and I can't seem to just take it one day at a time lately? Even though I try so hard to do just that. I am not one to cry, and lately I have been crying over the littlest things. The truth is I hate crying, I hate people seeing me cry. And I keep crying, I have almost cried in front of instructors at school, friends, my kids. I did cry in front of one of my instructors, how embarrassing. Who knows how many people have figured out I was crying while I have talked with them on the phone. I want this crying shit to stop! I feel like I need to be stronger than this! So my question for all my readers is what is the value of crying? What does it do for you? Do you ever feel weak when you cry? Have you ever been told its not okay to cry? Have you been given that "look" like what the hell are you crying about? If crying is okay then why don't we do it more often? Or why do we look the other way when we see people crying? You don't have to answer in the comment section, but I really would like some feed back on this one cause I am struggling and I have argued with my partner over this one a lot, she believes crying is okay and very therapeutic. But as you may have guessed I disagree. So please feel free to email me and we can discuss it connersmom32@yahoo.com
Thanks,
Chane
4 comments:
Ok so your Mama thinks crying is alright. I think you need to give yourself a break. and here's just a thought do you think its losing control when you cry that part of why you hate to have people see you cry. People are very vulnerable when they cry.
You know what co-chair?? Sometimes you just need a good cry. I get weepy over the dumbest shit, but crying can be super cleansing, so I say Go for it!! :)
Hehehe I like it when I'm "right" even though I don't really mean it like that :) Crying IS cleansing, just like screaming to blow off steam can be cleansing. You only see it as a sign of weakness because you were nurtured to believe that by some but NOT ALL of the people in your life (see your mom's comment above). You tend to be a hardass. And that's ok. But sometimes even the biggest hardasses need a good cry. Just show a Hells Angel a cute kitten and you'll see ;-)
I hope this post, as well as your entire blog in general, are helping you as much as I hope they are.
Love always :) xoxo
Yup, I gotta agree with everyone about the crying thing being a good thing! Even tho' we always think we aren't supposed to...not sure where that came from...I even feel better when I'm sitting home alone watching a sappy movie and just start bawling away! So keep up the crying when you need to but balance it out with laughing every time you get the chance!
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