Frustration and Anger

It must be not only be the onset of winter, but also the reality of my "new" normal that has sent me into a tail spin of frustration and anger this week.  I also suppose it could have to do with the fact that I have had migraines almost everyday, I have had lots of homework that I have not gotten caught up with. Missed assignments that I will not get points for and some minor slipping grades at school.  Now you must know for me getting a B in psychology is a big deal, this is the field I want to go into! And my grade keeps slipping further and further from the A I once had.  And frankly its pissing me off something fierce.  I missed points again today because of my lack of concentration, fatigue and general overall lack of memory lately.  I felt like such a dumb ass, and yet I didn't today because I cried in class, here I had missed 2 days of lecture notes so I was clueless on what was going on, and couldn't do the stupid in class activities and there for I lost 10 points.  This may not seem like a lot but in this class 10 points is trust me.
Anyway, THIS is unacceptable and totally out of my control at this point and I hate it!  And its all because of a disease called FMD.  Someone I love said to me one day recently "don't become this disease Chane" or "don't let this disease become you" something to that effect, shocking I can't remember the exact quote.  I do however remember replying "I won't", but as I sit here today stewing in my anger, I am thinking about that wondering about how can I not be my disease just a little bit?  Its inside me isn't it?  It affects me doesn't it?  It gets to control parts of my life doesn't it? It can kill me when it wants to can't it?  Sure I do get to make some choices, like life style changes that may and probable will prolong my life, but in the end wont this disease win anyway?  Now please this is not doomsday Chane writing here, I have NO desire not to fight for my life, I have way to much to live for, my children, my partner, my family and my friends.  But damn it I am angry and I am frustrated and I am scared.  Because I worry about all those things that I have to live for, if by chance this disease decides to take me sooner than later.