A totally random and much lighter post!

Fish Killer: A Confessional

          Approximately nine or ten years ago on a warm Sunday afternoon, a tragedy occurred.  This is the story of the one I called "Mr. Fish."  He was a beautiful, vibrant, yellow guppy who unfortunately met an untimely death.  His death was the result of a murderous tank-cleaning rampage.  Here is my confession: 

          I had purchased Mr. Fish from a pet store in Apple Valley, Minnesota.  I had him for only two short months before I murdered him.  Along with purchasing Mr. Fish, I had unknowingly purchased the weapon used to end Mr. Fish's very existence.  Its sleek packaging disguised it as a "rock algae cleaner" that is supposedly safe to use while your fish are still in the tank.  I should sue for false advertisement (I wonder if the statute of limitations applies to murdered fish). 

          This is hard for me…but on that Sunday afternoon, the tank needed cleaning.  I took the torture device from its package and placed it in the tank with Mr. Fish.  Things were going along fine…for about a minute.  Then…In a homicidal fish rage, ok, not homicidal, Mr. Fish swam too close to the vacuumess fish killing device.  He was brutally sucked into the vacuum.  I immediately squeezed him back out of the vacuum, but it was too late!  He floated…in the wrong direction. 

          I immediately attempted to perform fishie mouth-to-mouth (ok not really, but I thought about it).  But it was too late for poor Mr. Fish.  A mere five seconds in the vacuum had robbed my treasured yellow guppy of his life.  I feel as though I have committed fish-slaughter in the second degree.  I should be in jail…or at least on probation.  No debt that I can pay to society can ever bring my Mr. Fish back.  I deserve to be punished for this injustice.  It should be a state law that no one who has ever sucked up Mr. Fish's in a vacuum shall ever be allowed to own a Mr. Fish again! 

          I also must confess that before Mr. Fish, I had Fred and Barney.  Mr. Fish was the replacement for these poor lost souls.  They probably died from a dirty tank. 

          As of today, I still do not own a guppy.  However, I have graduated to a 46 gallon tank, and I have lost fish, but I have not murdered any of them I promise. Any deaths have either been of natural causes, disease or humane euthanasia done by my significant other (I make her do it now). I clean the tank VERY carefully and use EXTREME caution (and unusually have adult supervision) to avoid any mishaps.  

   

           So my name is Chane and I am a fish murderess.  Ok well I was a fish murderess, now I'm not one so much anymore.

          You must know I told this story out of shear guilt of losing this particular fish, he was gorgeous, and I was thrilled at having my first tank.  I was distraught over killing this fish at the time and as you can tell, ten years later, I have never forgotten about that damn fish.  I hope you enjoyed my story.